Forgiveness

Where do I start from? I guess from Easter morning.

I had gone over to my friends place over the Good Friday weekend and she is a Christian. That introduction should be enough. Right then diving into the story- so at 4am Sunday morning, we marched to their church. The ambiance was set by the wind, the trucks, the rising sun and the chirping cawing birds, as we sang hymns and discussed breakfast plans.

Now the ceremony was mostly a blur. But then father started talking about the crucification of Christ. Jesus Christ had stones hurled at him, his followers forsake him in fear, nails were driven through his hands and feet, a crown of thorns was placed on his head and on his last breath he said 'forgive them father'. That is so powerful. I mean can you imagine that strength that love. To understand the contrast here is an example- at that moment I was making faces at the kid who shoved me aside to light his candle first (he was making them back too).

There is so much stuff we hold onto, so many little petty things I still haven’t forgiven people and even myself for. The Hindi teacher in school who threw away my months hard work because it wasn't neat enough, the kids in my school who judged and teased me for many stupid reasons (I don’t mean to sound condescending they actually were stupid reason - she speaks in an accent, doesn't wear the right clothes etc). The girl in my college who said some nasty stuff about me and my family, myself for trying to fit in too hard and for quoting from 'kyunki saas bhi kabh bahu thi' in a losing argument (Oh God why?).

I obviously haven’t experienced pain and betrayal like he did and god willing I won’t, but that's the point; all these things are so small and I carry it like a huge bundle over my shoulder. At that moment it just seemed beyond silly, even ridiculous to me. So the only thing I prayed for was that strength of forgiveness (moment of deepness). 

Let me just say it aint easy. Especially when pretentious and let’s say unenlightened (read stupid) people try to shove their opinions at you every day. But one step at a time- so right now Hindi mam it’s all cool..

ps- i don't want to hurt any religious sentiments and i don't know how accurately i quoted the sermon i may have forgotten some things so ahem ahem apply the title.